Doesn't Mean Anything
by lunarocks14
Summary: <html><head></head>Lysander left Lily, and without him, nothing seems to mean anything. Songfic.</html>


**DISCLAIMER: I don't owe the characters, or the song**.****

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this.  
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_This beautiful city seems empty..**.** all the people in the world, and you can still feel lonely**.** What's the point of having it all, without the person you love**?** Sometimes you just need to start again, in order to fly..**.**_

Lily Luna Potter gazed out of the window, staring out over London**.** Her arms were held loosely around her knees, which she had drawn up to her chin**.** She sat on the window seat, head resting on the window**.** She snuffled once, then looked around at the empty room**.** Her eyes rested on the place where the picture of Lysander used to stand, then flickered away**.**

There was a noise from downstairs; James was calling to her**.** "Lils? You got everything**?**" She unfolded her jean-clad legs and swivelled, before sliding off of the window seat**.** She walked over to the middle of the room, and stood there for a second, gazing around**.** Then she left for the last time, and as if in a dream, drifted through all the rooms before walking down the spiralling stairs with one hand trailing along the mahogany banister**.**

Her eldest brother waited at the bottom of the stairs, eyes anxious and expression slightly worried**.** He smiled at her, noticing the bags under her eyes and the redness around them**.** Her mouth was slightly downturned as she twisted the right sleeve of her baggy woollen jumper in her hands absentmindedly**.**

He caught her hand. "Don't; you'll stretch it**.**"

She nodded and then stepped away from him, walking through the rooms downstairs with a slight air of relief**.**

James watched her, leaning against the banister and frowning slightly**.** His brother came through the open front door and raised an eyebrow**.** "She saying goodbye?" He asked, nodding in Lily's direction.

James nodded, and sighed slightly, hazel eyes darkened with worry**.**

His brother's expression stayed neutral, but anyone who knew Al would see his eyebrows lower slightly, and his green eyes turning sombre**.** "She's not coping**.**" He stated quietly.

James snorted. "That's an understatement and a half." Since Lysander left to start a new job in New York, Lily had retreated into herself, blaming herself for pushing him away**.**

Al closed his eyes for a second, then sighed**.** "She'll never admit to it, much less accept any help**.**"

"It's a miracle she let us help her move out**!**" James pointed out**.** The two of them quit talking as their sister came back in, then walked out the front door**.** They followed her, exchanging looks**.**

Scorpius waited outside, and Lily walked straight past him**.** His blue eyes flickered with worry as he glanced at Al and James**.**

James shook his head and called, "Lils, you wanna lift**?**"

She shook her head, some of the fire returning to her dull blue eyes**.** "I can manage. I _am _23, you know, you can stop babying me**.**" Then she returned to her monotonous state as she got into the car**.**

She'd brought the house that they were just leaving 2 years ago, and managed to fill it with all manner of beautiful things with the money she earned from the job she loved**.** Then Lysander had left, after being with her for nearly nine years, and she'd quit her job, sold her house and given away most of her possessions**.** She'd retreated into herself and hardly ever went out anymore**.**

Scorpius slipped an arm around Al and gave him a comforting hug**.** "She'll survive. She's strong."

"It's been 3 months, Scorp**.** I dunno." He leant his head on his boyfriend's shoulder and sighed**.** "I don't know if she _can_ survive."

The three of them stood there, James with his hands in his pockets, and watched Lily drive away**.**

Lily drove on auto-pilot; perfectly as always, but she hardly noticed**.** As she reached her destination, number 12, Grimmauld Place, London, she stopped the car and gave herself a few seconds to prepare, before getting out and shutting the door**.**

She walked slowly up to the door and knocked**.** There were a few noises from inside, then her mother opened the door and enveloped her in a hug**.**

Ginny stood back and looked at Lily with worry, noticing how ill and sad she looked**.** "Harry**?** Put the kettle on, I think Lily needs caffeine." She called, smiling comfortingly at her**.**

Lily took a few moments to look around the bright house**.** The various photos up of the entire family had replaced the portraits of the Black family that had used to be there**.** The entire house, in fact, looked nothing like how her father had described it used to be like**.** Anything related to the Black family, apart from pictures of Sirius and Tonks, had gone**.** Sirius' mother would have been turning in her grave**.**

Ginny gave Lily a concerned look. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

Lily seemed to be looking straight through her when she replied**.** "Yes. I'm fine." She walked past her mother and into the kitchen, where Harry hugged her and ruffled her hair**.** She sat down and stared blankly at the table, breathing in the scent of the tea, before being overtaken by an overwhelming urge to cry**.** She stood up and faked a yawn. "Actually, I'm really tired**.** I presume I'm in my old room?" She asked, before she heard voices in the living room and realised Ron and Hermione had arrived, along with Rose and Hugo**.** She winced slightly at the thought of having to speak to them**.**

Her father looked at her with unease. "Yes, but are you sure you don't want to see your cousins first..**.****?**" He asked.

She was about to shake her head, but then Rose and Hugo burst in and it was too late**.** She fixed a smile to her face. "Hi**.**"

Later, she reflected. Her cousins kept giving her worried looks; but she supposed it was only to be expected**.** She sighed, leaning on the windowsill and staring out over the moonlit garden**.**

Hearing a howl, her head jerked up. She stared out over the garden and saw the wolf, head raised and eyes meeting hers**.** Full moon, she noticed as she smiled properly for the first time in months**.**

_Teddy_. Her best friend, confidant, favourite werewolf and cousin-in-law**.**

She couldn't go and speak to him, but just him being there was enough**.** She breathed easily and then scowled slightly**.** The way she was acting irritated her. This wasn't _Twilight_**.** She wasn't Bella, and her Edward was never coming back**.** Even if he thought she was dead.

What could Lily give her**?** All the money she had, and she didn't know what to buy her cousin's child**.** Advice; would that be the best thing**?** "Never fall in love," that was the best advice anyone could've given Lily**.**

Dawn was going to be six soon, too**.** Another child to buy presents for.

Her hand went to her stomach, and she held it there, wondering if she'd have loved a child**.** Lysander had wanted one.

Lysander had wanted marriage, children**.** And Lily had pushed him away because she felt she wasn't ready**.** She'd turned down his proposal**.**

_My fault_.

Her tears fell down her cheeks and left tracks, salty tracks to prove her sadness**.**

She snuffled, raising a hand to wipe her swimming eyes**.**

The radio came on; she'd plugged it back in and not bothered to change the time, meaning the alarm had gone off 7 and a half hours after**.**

She began to sing along, recognising the song as Alicia Keys' _Doesn't Mean Anything_**.**

_"Used to dream of being a millionaire, without a care**.** But if I'm seeing my dreams and you aren't there, cos it's over, that just won't be fair**.**"_

A tear escaped her eye as she sang sweetly, voice growing louder and full of passion**.**

_"Darling, rather be a poor woman, living on the streets, no food to eat, cos I don't want no pie if I have to cry**.** Cos it's over, when you said goodbye."_

She walked around her room slowly, twirling once and singing soulfully**.** Louder now as she reached the chorus.

_"All at once, I had it all. But it doesn't mean anything, now that you're gone**.** From above, seems I had it all!_"

And it was true; she had had it all**.** The perfect boyfriend, and a chance for marriage. Then she'd told him no, pushed him away and gone partying too much**.** It was no wonder he'd left.

The words felt bittersweet**.**

_"But it doesn't mean anything, since you're gone..**.** Now I'm seeing myself through different eyes, it's no surprise**.** Being alone will make you realise, when it's over."_

Nothing meant anything without Lysander, and nothing ever could**.**

She knew she was a good singer, she'd been told several times**.** But she'd never sang like she was now**.**

_"All in love is fair, should've been there, should've been there, should've bee, should've, should've**.** All at once, I had it all**.** But it doesn't mean anything, now that you're gone**.**"_

She was an idiot to have done that**.** She'd had a wonderful life, and now she'd ruined it**.** Higher pitched, this next bit**.** She meant every word she said.

_"From above, seems I had it all**.** But it doesn't mean anything, since you're gone. I know I pushed you away, what can I do that will save our love**?**"_

He would never take her back**.** He was in New York now, and he'd find someone else**.** Someone better. Someone who deserved him like she never had**.**

The song was the only thing there was**.**

_"Babe, these material things, they don't mean nothing, it's you that I want**.** All at once, I had it all."_

She'd get rid of everything, all she had, to get Lysander back**.** She wished she could turn back time, accept him, love him like she now knew she really did**.**

_"But it doesn't mean anything, now that you're gone**.** From above, seems I had it all. But it doesn't mean anything, since you're gone**.**"_

She shook her head, putting all of her soul and her heart into the song**.** Tears threatened, but she pushed them back, determined to finish**.**

_"All at once, I had it all. But it doesn't mean anything, now that you're gone**.** From above, seems I had it all. But it doesn't mean anything, since you're gone**.**"_

The song ended. She lowered her head and let the tears overcome her**.**

**A/N:** The sequel to this is Do You Remember.****


End file.
